We ’ve gotvampire off ex - presidents , so why not a vampire presidential aspirer ? Jonathon “ The Impaler ” Sharkey , who consider he ’s a unmediated descendant of Vlad The Impaler , wants to be your next commander in boss . He ’s lead to D.C. to campaign .
https://gizmodo.com/abraham-lincoln-vampire-hunter-surprisingly-fantastic-5497765
Sharkey , 45 , headed to D.C. with his 19 - twelvemonth - previous girlfriend , also a vampire , to feed for President of the United States in 2012 . He recently switched his party affiliation from Independent to Republican so he can run with the GOP – and he ’s run from crusade in Minnesota to Florida , according to theAP Wire .
On hisMySpace Page , Sharkey expounds on his late political aspiration :
MY NAME IS JONATHON “ THE IMPALER ” SHARKEY AND I AM THE KING OF THE VAMPYRE state , AS WELL AS CANDIDATE FOR GOVERNOR OF MINNESOTA – BETTER KNOWN AS THE JUDAS STATE ! MANY OF YOU MIGHT HAVE see ME ON THE NEWS OR HEARD ME ON THE RADIO . I AM demand FOR EVERYONE TO PLEASE bury ABOUT MY RELIGIOUS BELIEFS . YES I AM A SATANIC VAMPYRE , AND A HECATE WITCH … … .IT ’S VERY SIMPLE , THOSE WHO ABUSE CHILDREN , small fry MOLESTORS , KILLERS , DRUG principal AND RAPISTS , or else OF GETTING OFF EASY LIKE THEY HAVE BEEN , I WILL spike THEM ! .
How will his safari go ? Probably a lot like the meter he fly the coop for regulator of Minnesota in 2006 … which he made these YouTube videos for .
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3IhzzDU5m28
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LxH4y5BlRFc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wf6J5akS19E
So does this lamia stand a chance ? plausibly not : He has a long history of arrests , include being accuse of brainwashing a Minnesota 16 - yr sure-enough . He is also under probation in Tennessee for jeopardise a justice . So those thing might get in the room .
But he ’s still deadly serious about his run for berth , and accord tohis websiteif he is elected , these are the first rule he will pass on , as behave vampire president .
1.IMMEDIATELY outlaw ABORTION . The only time abortion will be provide is in lawsuit of Rape ( then again once I start transfix RAPISTS , there will be no more rapes ) , in cases of incest or in a aesculapian emergency .
2 . IMMEDIATE bring our service personnel department home from the warfare zone they are struggle in .
3 . good benefit for our veterans and military service personnel .
4 . More fast-growing steps to stop ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTION and make it an act of terrorism , hence penal by IMPALEMENT by me !
5 . The Paige Child Protection Act . No kid should ever have to suffer abuse at the hired hand of one of their parent . Anyone get shamed of abusing children will be IMPALED in person by ME !
6 . ALL Native American Casinos will have to give taxes on the revenue they return . This tax money will go to fund syllabus for Veterans .
7 . The DWI / DUI 3 strike rule . If you pull 3 acts of DWI / DUI , or induce corporal harm / death , you will be personally spike by me . Also , on your first or second condemnation of DWI / DUI you will lose your car .
8 . The Princeton School Board Act . The First Amendment of the US Constitution gives everyone the right of exemption of faith . Anyone who tries to deprive anyone in America their right of spiritual freedom and/or expression will be empale by me
9 . Legalization of Marijuana and Prostitution . Though I do not use / smoke marijuana or have sex with prostitutes , upon becoming President , I will legalize marijuana and prostitution in all 50 States . The individual DoS will have restraint over these businesses and the money made from them will used to fund programs that supply medical , ethical drug and dental policy for the citizen who can not afford the proper reportage they need .
10 . Business Blacklist Act . Any company that has antecedently been in America and has relocated to another state will be blacklist from deal their products in America . No company will fly high by causing Americans to be laid off and their kinfolk suffer because the company determine to leave America for another country .
11 . The Better Educational Act . In this day and age of the crack techknowledgical age , the only way Americans can compete with other country where techknowledgie is concerned , is to be well educated . My Administration will give grants to Americans who need assistance in being re - educated and invite advance grooming to compete in the human beings market .
12 . The Fair Child Support and Visitation Act . In this daylight and age , money is loaded . Hence , it is unreasonable to except a parent to yield an outlandish amount in child support . So , tribunal will have to a new bonny weighing machine to mold tyke living . Also , no parent will utilize their child as a artillery against the other parent . Every parent who is deemed non - dangerous to their child will have proper and just visitation right wing to see their child . If the guardian parent block the other parent from see their child , they will IMMEDIATELY be charged with Contempt .
13 . The Abuse of Power Act . Any elected or name official who is institute shamed of abuse of power will be IMPALED by me . Also , judges , prosecutor , and jurisprudence enforcement officers will have to get their own malpractice / misconduct insurance . No longer will judges , prosecutors , law enforcement agents have CIVIL exemption from suits develop from their nonperformance or misconduct . Needless to say , upon being found guilty of vilification , they will be transfix by me !
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