Selena Gomezis peeling back the curtain like never before in her revealingnew documentaryMy Mind & Me.
From body image issues to painful lupus flare-ups and, of course, her ongoing journey with mental health, Gomez bravely invites fans into her ups and downs over the last six years.
“I’m kind of scared. A lot of people are going to see this whole other side of me — and I’m like, ‘I hope they like it,'“she toldKelly Clarkson earlier this weekduring an appearance on her talkshow.
Her Struggles with Body Image
In the lead-up to her 2016 Revival Tour, Gomez is reduced to tears during fittings and rehearsals. “I wanna have thebody to wear it proudlyand I want the booty that I don’t have,” she says. “My body’s very young. [I want to] look like a woman and not like a 12-year-old boy.”
The star grows even more emotional while recounting a conversation she had with Interscope Records CEO John Janick.
The captured moment of frustration is the only time Gomez is heard directly referencing her ex,Justin Bieber, in the film.
Her ‘Psychotic Break’
Aftercanceling her tour in August 2016, Gomez’s mental health declined further. “At one point, she’s like, ‘I don’t want to be alive right now. I don’t want to live. And I’m like, ‘Wait, what?'” recalls her former assistant Theresa. “It was one of the moments where you look in her eyes and there was nothing there. It was so scary.”
Gomez’s best friend, Raquelle, recounted the “very chaotic” period when the star began “hearing all of these voices.”
“They just kept getting louder and louder again. That triggeredsome sort of psychotic break,” says Raquelle in the film. Adds Gomez’s mom, Mandy Teefey, who says she learned of her daughter’s 2018 hospitalization via TMZ: “They called me and wanted to know what my daughter was doing in the hospital with a nervous breakdown. She didn’t want anything to do with me, and I was scared she was gonna die.”
Learning About Bipolar Disorder
In 2019, Gomez wasdiagnosed with bipolar disorder. “I’m gonna be honest. I didn’t wanna go to a mental health hospital,” she says in the film. “I didn’t want to, but I didn’t wanna be trapped in myself in my mind anymore.” (In herlatestRolling Stonecover story, Gomez reveals she has sought in-patient treatment four times.)
Grappling with her diagnosis, “I thought my life was over,” she adds. “I was like, ‘This is how I’m gonna be forever.'”
In one of the documentary’s rawest moments, Gomez weeps as she reflects on the impact her mental health had on her loved ones.
“That’s why I say to people that I have the greatest friends and family, especially my mom and stepdad Brian because I shouldn’t have spoken to them the way that I did, and I shouldn’t have treated them the way that I did sometimes,” she says. “When I wake up the next day, they told me what happened … they explained to me, they’re like, ‘Look, I know that that’s not you talking and we’re really concerned. We love you. We don’t see anything different from what was last night to now.'”
Even now, “I just say it over and over again,” continues Gomez. “I say, ‘I’m so sorry,’ ‘cause I remember certain things that I did, and I was so mean.”
In the documentary, Gomez also discusses the impact she hopes to make in the mental health community.
In May, theOnly Murders in the Buildingactressheaded to the White Housefor an appearance at theMental Health Youth Action Forum, where she shared her mental health journey.
Living with Lupus
Gomez has long been an advocate forothers struggling with lupus, and she shares in the film that she faced an excruciating flare-up during the pandemic.
“I was so young. I haven’t felt it since I was younger,” she says, visibly in pain. “Now it just hurts in the morning. When I wake up, [I] immediately start crying because it hurts — like everything.”
The physical pain also exacerbated her emotional struggles. “I’ve been having really bad dreams about my past and stuff,” she continues. “I think my past and my mistakes — that’s what drives me into depression. It’s like, my whole life since I was a kid, I’ve been working … the only thing I want is [to be] a mom. I don’t wanna be super famous. I just feel stuck, and I just wanna move forward.”
Healing from Heartbreak
If you or someone you know needs mental health help, text “STRENGTH” to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 to be connected to a certified crisis counselor.
source: people.com
